Driving & Commuting
Stay off the road!
Feb 10th
Seven figures. I looked up the typical sidewalk-construction costs for the state I live in, and the average costs have seven figures. I can’t understand a word of it, but seven figures….that’s a lot of freaking dough. TAX-PAYER’S dough.
So let me put it like this….I’m paying for you to be able to walk on the sidewalk, so get your Seth out of the street.
I’m not talking about people crossing the street, I’m talking about the idiots dumb enough to parade in the street when there’s a perfectly good sidewalk right next to them. If there’s a parked car, they walk around it on the street-side, placing them roughly in the middle of the lane. Good frigging grief. I need to call in a few future Darwin Award winners…
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How fast am I going?
Dec 4th
Dear highway patrol,
Thanks for wheeling in a giant orange sign that lights up every 2 seconds to remind me what the speed limit is and how fast I am going. It is extremely useful every morning when I go to work to know that I’m going 23 mph in a 55. And 24 on the way back. Thanks for the tease, a*sholes!
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Cause I aint a holla back girl
Dec 3rd
Why are there so many gross animals walking the streets of NY? By animals I mean MEN! Stop winking at me on the train. Now you have ruined my entire ride since ull b sitting directly in front of me for another 20 minutes. “ay mami can I holla.” No a*shole u can NOT holla! Stop making me press pause on my ipod to ask me some garbage like “Can I get to know u?” NOO I don’t talk to strangers and thx for messing up my entire morning music flow!!
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Why are you talking to me?
Dec 2nd
Why are there so many gross, disgusting, vomit-trocious (made up word), nasty men in this world?! Stop talking sh*t to me on the street “ay mami can I holla?” No u lame a*shole! Stop winking at me in the train because now u’ve ruined my entire ride since you r sitting right across from me. And please please please stop making me press pause on my ipod because I think you have something important to tell me and ask “Can I get to know u ma?” No u prick! U just messed up my entire morning music flow..UGH!!!
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NYC driving me nuts
Dec 1st
UGH! If you don’t know, owning a car in NYC is the worse! Every time you drive, you either get a ticket or a new dent or scratch or you’re stuck in bumper to bumper. No wonder no one wants to drive here! I present the top 10 NYC driving WTF!?!
1. NYC Police officers are there to issue as many tickets as possible. Instead of pulling up to you to offer their greeting and salutations, a NYC Police officer will approach your idling car and give you a fine for obstructing traffic, seat belt, talking on a cell phone, broken tail light, tints, air freshener hanging on your review mirror, etc…
2. Instead of having all the lights are timed so that you will always get to your destination quickly, in NY as your light turns green the next one turns red.
3. People honk before the light turns green to warn you that you will have to drive in a few seconds and if you don’t you will be honked and cursed at.
4. If you have to stop to drop someone off and wait there till they come out, you have to circle until that person is done and you will get stuck in traffic circling.
5. No matter how far away your work is, it’s at least a 1 hour commute in each direction.
6. You have to pay $0.25 for 10 minutes meter parking…if you can find a meter…and if you do there are 12 signs that you have to read and make sure none of them cancel each other out
7. You have to wait at every red light – EVERYWHERE ELSE you can make a right at a red light.
8. You wait at least 3 hours to get anything accomplished at the DMV.
9. There are no drive-throughs in NYC – you have to look for parking to get anything.
10. Your car is bumped, hit, scratched, keyed and destroyed from giant potholes and a*sholes on every street
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