Express yourself the way you really want to!
Posts tagged funny
Dear doggy…
0332 days
by elizabeth3
in Animals
dear dog, stop licking your ass and then my hand. it’s fucking gross. and when you lick people’s faces, i swear i get ready to barf. so please. STOP.
What’s with the weekend?
0790 days
I hate the fact that it rains on the weekends and 
is always sunny during the week. Who planned Saturday and Sunday to fall on the days that they fall on? It’s a conspiracy I tell ya to make sure that we all go to work on Monday morning more pissed than a hungry rhino. Enough with this! I say the weekend should come whenever good weather is around!
(more…)
What’s with the rattle?
1812 days
Construction worker: next time you start up your drill at 7:00 AM 
I will come up there and crack you in the jaw, you scumbag. Have some f*cking respect – not everyone goes to work at 6!
(more…)
Stay lit!
0812 days
by Unregistered User
in Society
Why is it that, the more stoned I get, 
the more times I have to re-light the joint? Damn!
(more…)
Fluctuating gravity
2816 days
STUPID f*cking scale!! WTF is with it?? I get on it and it says 161lbs. Uh, what? I weighed 166 yesterday, and I KNOW I didn’t lose 5 pounds in one day. So I get on it again. Now it says 164 pounds, which seems more accurate, seeing as your weight fluctuates 1-2 pounds a day. Just to be sure, I get on it again. NOW it says 166 pounds! Third time’s the charm? Nope, this time, I’m 162…Wtf, man? I just got this thing! Surely it’s not broken already? I was in the same clothes, in the same position, each time I stepped on it.
I should just throw it out the window. Unreliable piece of crap.
(more…)
Loading ...